I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
