Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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