Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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