is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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