I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
