one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
