Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
