I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
