Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
