I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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