maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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