made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
