She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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