i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
