Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
