I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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