So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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