dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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