3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
