Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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