You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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