I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
