Yo dont text me then not text me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
