Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
