Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
