You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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