She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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