maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
