Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
