Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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