Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
