Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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