It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
