Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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