if you like me you must not know who I am
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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