You're my little dorito
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
