I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize