I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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