Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize