Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
