She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
