for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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