turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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