Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
