Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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