One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
