Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
