I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
