By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
