She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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