You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this hospital has no fireball
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
