....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
