I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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