there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
