I'm sorry my penis didn't work
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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