I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize