I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
