wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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