Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
