smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
