1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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