I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
