Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
