Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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