so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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